now your gone, but a peice of me is still holding on'

do you ever think about the memories we shared together,
do you ever take a glance at a picture of us together and wonder why things changed?
and why you went away to have a new life with out me,
i hate it,
i hate missing another day with out you in my life,
i hate missing another day with out seeing your face, or hearing your voice,

its been months now, and when we do see each other its just weird,
because its hard for me to let you back in, after all, your never around to show me the person you can be,

i know that this hurts you,
it hurts me too, and i wish there was something i could do to make things easier,
your that one person who i need in my life,
and turns out your not in it,

as i pace myself, because im scared of getting hurt again,
i try to understand.
this isnt how things should be, but they are,
why cant you just see, how much this kills me inside.

i stare at the ceiling and all that crosses my mind is that your gone.
are you ever coming back,
do you even want to?

when someone leaves, its so hard to build the streength to let it go, and forgive them even though you want to so bad, its hard,.
and it eventually gets hard to let others in, having that one simple fear of them leaving.
we have all probably had that experience of someone just getting up and dissapearing into this world, and i know how it feels, esepecialy when that one person never comes back, and you hardly ever see them.
but theres a world out there, and it waiting for you,
dont be afraid to let others in , because the moment you think that love is over rated, is the exact moment your wronge.,
just because someone you loved has left doesnt meen everyone is going to be like,

dont fear something like holding on,
becasuse with a little bit of hope and faith,
things can turn around.,

dont stop believing in that one person who may have left, becasue the truth is they are just as confused as you are,
they just havnt realized how much they may be hurting you,
just dont give up onthem. as hard as it might be , keep holding on, because one day they can change.

that one place. '

Have you ever came to a point in your life where everything feels to have gone one way and you just havnt been able to get there yet.
Its like the floor has fell right out from underneith you, and all you ever did was just keep running, running from the truth and what may have been reality. now you just cant find your way back, as the life youve lived moves in a different direction you try to chase it, and try to get back to the way it was ,
but maybe, just maybe its not about going back.

maybe its about starting over, and trying to figure out this whole life of yours as who you are today, and not going back and re taking those steps you have already made.
Life is too short to be someone else,
you have to go out and live it, as yourself.

hiding behind someone elses reflection or shadow is just following after there footsteps. why not go out and be yourself. Make your own steps toward your future,
no one can tell you how to live your life, they can give you advice and help you out on the way , but it all comes down to how you look at life.
dont mistake your life for someone elses, go out and live it for yourself.

this all starts with a little confidence.
how do you expect to succeed wihtout it,

even if it feels like the floor has fell out from underneith of you, and you have hit rock bottom, dont give up.
keep trying.
Dont run from what is right infront of you either. take a second to realize it, and dont hold back.
we all have hopes and dreams, so why not take those hopes and dreams and take simple steps into putting them in your life, and having them come true.
it all takes a little confidence,
little steps forward,
and hope for your future and yourself.

dont stop here, be who you really are,
because life is really just too short to be someone else,
go out and find that one place where you belong,
that one place where people believe in you.
the place where you know at the moment you reach it, that everything is going to be different, and your whole perspective on life changes,
suddenly you know why your there and you know what brought you to that beautiful place.

So ive just been sitting here, and ive been thinking, everyone has there similarities and there differences, and im sure some of you can probably relate to this.. or most of you can probably relate...

going through those times in your life where your just sitting there, starring off into space, and all you can think about and try to understand is why do people leave?
you always ask yourself the question things happen for reasons? but why cant i ffind a good reason on why that one person left? Its that person who you will never forget even though you can hardly figure out who they are anymore, that person who you always think about, and remember how close you used to be, and the person who you never expected to grow apart and become strangers with. why did they have to leave?

its so hard to forgive them, but i know its not only them you need to forgive, its yourself. You need to forgive yourself for holding onto all the anger they may have caused, all the dinal and hatrade they brought to your life, you need to forgive yourself for holding onto the thoughts of being worthless because of the fact they left, its the moment when you can forgive them, and forgive yourself when things start to change. It so hard, i know, trust me. Theres somethings in life that are so hard to forgive your self for, and the people you just cant build the strength to forgive,
i meen you want to, you really want to forgive them but its so hard because there never there. Their just gone liveing a total life of their own independance one in which your not it.

ive felt that way, i sometimes still do, because forgiving that one person, has to be the most hardest thing ill ever face in my life, and i just dont get it sometimes, i meen i know i have a father in heaven, and i know he forgives me the second i make a mistake, but were human and i dont understand why it is so hard for us to "forgive" . i guess its just the fact of being afraid youll never see that person again, but thats pathetic because forgiving them is the one thing that could bring you back to that person.

its hard, difficult, and stressful, but when you build the strength to let go, and forgive them, and eventually forgive yourself, that is when you start to feel a change in your life.
yes things happen for a reason, its all part of gods plan, in the end you will understand, but for now you just need to have faith, and dont doubt your life one bit.
things can change if you are whilling to let them.

fear,

Fear is something that disrupts your whole entire life, all it does is bring total obliteration.
Maybe youve been holding onto your fears because theres nothing you think you can do to move past your fears.
Fear is really a mind killer, but it is only as deep as your mind allows it to be, if your so caught up in something, and then you tend to fear it, your fear will only start to become real, when thats all you can think about.

Everyone has there own share of fears, i know i do. Some in which i just havnt learned to move on from, but i know one day i will.
see you gain strength, courage, love, confidence, in every single experience when you realize that your fear cannot control your life anymore, the exact moment you stop and you look fear right in its face, and realize that its nothing but a visaude that you bring among yourself.

I dont think alot of you have actually taken the time to think about what might be holding you back, it all comes down to fear, whether its the fear of holding on, the fear of moving on, the fear of being yourself, the fear of leaving your life behind because you know you need to move on from the past, or the fear of starting over, the fear of a change.
dont you see, all this fear built up inside you, just holds you back , brings you down, and forbids you to live the life youve always wanted to, and to be the person you used to be or want to be, the real you.

Letting go of fear is hard, but you have to do it sometime, if you want to live a great life. one where you can ttake risks, and move on in, one where it doesnt matter who youve been, or where youve been in your life, what paths you have taken or what regrets you may pounder over, it doesnt matter becaause letting go of the fear of becomeing that person again, is so great. Forgiving yourself for who you may have beeen, and forgiving yourself for the life you have lived in fear and denial in. Its all worth it,
take your fear and leave it behind, you can do anything in this life, if you just believe.
have faith, and hopes for your future.

...''

So some people, well they just wait in life, they wait for life to change them, or to just experience a change, instead of doing anything they wait for a change.
Maybe your hitting the point where you cant wait any longer. Or even just waiting for that change, isnt doing anything for you, its just holding you back far from where you could be today if you would have just taken those chances handed right to you.
See alot of us wait around for our life to change or we wait around for the life we've planned to come, the one that has always been in our heads, one in which we are very familiar with, but you see, we need to be willing to get rid of the life we've always imagend, to have the out comes of the life that is waiting for us. Everything happens for a reason, its up to you to see the signs along the road.
You have to take risks in life, if no one ever took risks honestly where would you be today, life is about taking those steps, of course sometimes you may fall, but in the end those simple risks are the ones that make you a stronger person.

in those times when we least expect it , life hands us a challenge to test our courage, and willingness to change, at this very moment, there really is no point to avoid this, and keep in denial about it or pretending that nothing has happend or go about saying that "i was not ready" That challenge given to you will not wait, life doesnt look back, just one week is enough time for us to figure out whether or not to accept our destiny. Its up to us, its given to us, in our own power to make the decision whether or not to take the challenge and change or hold back, and wait for life to change for you,. Waiting for life to change, is pointless,
why dont you just go out there and change it. Its your own willingness and courage that can change your life around from where you are, or from where you have been. Dont hold back from your destiny.

Your life may be great right now, but theres alot of us out there who have hit curves in our life time, when everything seems to be defeating you, leaving you behind, as everything passes by. There is suffering in life, and there are defeats. No one can avoid them. Dont you think that its sometimes better to lose some of the battles in the struggles for your dreams than to be defeated without even knowing what your fighting for? think about that.

so heres the thing , stop waiting around ,
take the risks, and the challenges given to you.
fight for your dreams, until you reach them.
<3

reaching out , and letting go.

Have you ever reached out to someone, or tried to reach out to someone, but in the end, all they did was hurt you?

Like you try so hard to show that person you care, you try so hard to show that person that you want them in your life, and you miss them as each day goes by with out them there. But its as if they dont care anymore.

All you ever do is try to make things right, but you cant do that alone, in order to fix things you need the other person to want to , too.

Maybe that other person doesnt know, maybe there to caught up in their life, that they havnt opened their eyes to see how much there actions are hurting you. Or how much it makes you go about believing that they dont care anymore.

Have you ever told that person that youve been trying, and the fact that you tried to reach out to them, but then all they ever did was hurt you. Alot of people they just expect the other person to know how they feel, but thats not the case, you have to step up and let them know. let it all go.

You see we dont mean to hurt people in our lives, we really dont.
And when we do hurt people though, well look at it this way,,....
the nice and sweet things that people say we remember a little bit of, but when people say bad things to us, the words that hurt us inside, those are the things we hold onto , and those are the things we remember.
its the things we keep in and we dont let go,
but maybe sometime in life, we should just let them all go, because ask yourself this question,
how have those things in your life, made your life better? Do they really get you anywhere in life?

Do you hide from your feelings, and who you really are?

hmm so im just sitting here and i've just been thinking about what i should write about next..

i always write about feelings you know , like about how i may have been feeling in the past, or how i was feeling the moment i wrote those notes. Trying to relate to who ever is reading them, because i know that alot of us all feel the same things at one point in our lives.

Have you ever wondered what it would be like if we didnt feel? . i meen if all those times our hearts have been broken and we never felt a thing, or all the times we have fell for someone, and we never really realized what it really felt like.

Alot of us try to avoid the pain and hurt, by fakeing a smile and going on with our lives, we pretend we dont feel the hurt or pain , but really its all we feel. Its when we pretend we dont feel anything. I meen if we didnt feel then you probably think your life would be way more easier than how it is now for you, but do you ever stop to think, mabe those things happen for reasons.

picture it this way, the people who leave, only left because having them in your life wasnt good for you, yourself. Everytime your heart gets broken, it only makes you stronger and mabe you werent ready for someone to take your heart in the first place. Every second you go on thinking about that one person, makes you realize that , that person is the one for you. Every time we feel that theres people around us who love us, isnt that a great feeling.

Our feelings are what we make them, most of the time we cant help them though, i meen we feel what we feel right, good feelings, bad feelings, scary feelings, there all the same because in the end its just about how you really feel, and how you feel about yourself. In the end its about how you feel abotu your past, and what goes on in your head, and thats when you make the decision not to go back, or sometimes make the decision thats who i wish i still was.

see i think alot of people take there feelings and they dont show them, like alot of us are so indecisive about ourselves we dont know who the real us is, and we are scared to show people who that person may be, so instead of letting people know how we feel and what not, we stay back and hide from our feelings.

its so over rated i meen, not being able to show who the real you is, it doesnt get you anywhere cause all you end up doing is living one big lie, and not being able to express your feelings, then no one will know how you feel inside and what ends up happening is, you just bottling it all up.
keeping it in,
and not letting it go.

think about it, do you hide from your reall feelings? Do you picture yourself as someone totally different and live your life in that point of view?.

stop hiding your feelings , let them out, and move on, and be who you are, because if not, then no one will know you from who you are, they will only know you from who you pretend to be.
there for your living one big lie.

faith , hope, believing , & change.

Have you ever been at one point of your life, where you knew at that moment your whole life was going to change. for the good, not the bad.
Like that moment you knew you were ready to change as an individual, and ready to change how you have been living your life. Its like a sudden feel of inspiration hits you.

I believe that all things happen for reasons, and with that people are put into your life for a reason.
I never stop believing in that, for all my hope and faith goes towards the ones i love, and know will always be there for me.

Sometimes in life we hit a bump and things go un planned, sometimes that bump changes our lives all around, but then one day you wake up to what is lyeing right in front of you, a life your whilling to live, a life you know is calling your name.

Losing people , and then just greeving about it istn the solution, its the moment when you realize you need them in your life, and the moment you both know it has been a mistake not having you in it,
i know that change is possible, at anytime of our life, we can change. If we really want that to happen.
dont stop believing .
having faith,
and hope for the things and people you love. <3

letting go.

Maybe letting go of people in your life, would be the best thing for you,
when you slightly let go of someone, its not cutting them out of your life, but its learning to live wihtout them.

See when you let go of someone, who may not be around as much as they used to in the past, maybe it just makes you a stronger individual. I meen letting go of someone, would really make you stronger and would help you figure out who the real you was.

At some point in our lives we have to realize, realize the things we have been holding onto for a long time, and realize when that needs to end.

Sometimes in life it may seem like your world is suddenly caveing in, its suddennly spinning around, until you really have no furthur control over it.

The people who leave your life, leave for a reason, to benifet your life.

I know that once someone leaves, its really hard to believe that everyone wont leave.
Having the fear of holding onto someone, because of the fear of them leaving, or letting go. its hard to get past that fear, but having it doesnt get you anywhere in life, it really just draws everyonne around you away.

Being able to let people in your life, and trusting them that they will stay, that is the exact moment you know that your ready to let people in. Instead of drawing them, or pushing them away.

If you have the fear of letting others in, and the fear of getting close and holding onto them, because you dont want to get hurt in the end, well then you basically dont trust anymore.
weither it was because of your past and the people who may have left your life, dont have the idea in your head that everyone will leave, because its not true, everything happens for reasons, in the long run you will understand why.

And that will be the moment when you realize that the onese that are really meant to be in your life, living it with you, will be the ones who never leave.

Dont be afraid to live life, there may be many cross roads in it, but that is no excuse to give up on life, because you may have lost your sence of directions, dont take a stumble, get up and live life.

...'

Alot of people say that life is to short, so go on in life, doing what ever you want, go on in life, and become the person you have always had an image of in your head, go on in life with no regrets, and lastly go on in life, as if it were to be your last day in this world.

Life is to short to be focusing on what you have done and the person you have been, but it is never to late to change. Through everything, have you ever just felt that you cant change? or you dont have the real strength to change?

Thats not it, you dont need the "REAL STRENGTH" to change, you just need your own motivation, and belief to help create the fact. Its not that you need the strength to change, but the fact that you need to know why you want to change, and to always remember that you can!

No matter where you are in this life, you can change your life around in a matter of seconds, its all the choices that you make in life that get you where you are, or where you have been. Just remember, how many seconds or minutes does it take you to make a choice? I meen really alot of people just go with what ever choice they felt was what they thought would be the right one, right in that moment, but one decision that you may make, can change your whole world around, and your understanding on why you did the things youdo. It really doenst take that long to make a decision, its either yes, or no.

But why is it so hard to change your life around?
Its not that its generally hard to change your life, its the fact that weither or not you are putting effort into it,

i believe that when you know you have made a mistake in the past, because we all do make poor decisions at one point of our life, you just need to forgive yourself, and move on, its not about regretting it, its aobut letting go. Its the exact moment when you know that you have made a poor decision and you need to change, and the exact moment you know that you do not want to go down the same road that got you to the place, of why you made that one choice.

you may think that life is to short to be regretting and in denial about,
but life is not to short for you to change it, and become a new person, the one you've always wanted to be, just maybe havnt had the chance to be through out the days,
but its never to late.

you just need to believe in the fact why you want to change, and know the answers to why that one change would be a benifet in your life.
Then you will realize who the person you really are is, and you will look back and not greeve over the past, but smile and be proud of your past!

i know one day you will change.

and i remember the simple things that you've said,
the simple things you've promised me in the past,
the promises that were kept, and the ones that you lost in your busy life, that i feel as if im not in anymore,
i remember all the times we have shared. The laughs, the smiles, the talks, the hugs, just knowing that you were there, i remember it all.

but now you seeem so far away, you are miles away. As your slowly drifting away in this life, it has been getting harder for me to hold on, and not give up. Everyday i face those questions, the thoughts about how are you doing, where are you going in life, what are you doing with your life. Do you ever think of me as much as i think about you, do you ever go to bed at night wondering why it has been another day of scilence between us, and why you never did take the chance to come around, kind of like a day wasted on trying to get to know me, i feel as if i dont even know you anymore, and its really sad. Not knowing someone i love so much, kills me inside.

As my heart achs, my hope and faith become all that i have for you, and believing that one day you can change. Change your whole life around, and not be afraid of what you have, live with the things you have, and fight for the real dreams that you want to put into existance. Move on from the place you have been living for years, and the lifestyle you have created for your self, WAKE UP. and just get out of that horrible mess of a place, because i know somewhere in you, you dont even know how you got there, but that doesnt meen you have to still stay inthat place. Get out and move on, show me the person you really are.
Because i know that person is somewhere in you, the one that i used to know, the one that alot of people used to know and have a great relationship with, come back, and prove to us, that change is possible for you, because we love you.

and i will never stop believing in you,
i have faith that you can change,
and i hope that you can show me, who the real you is underneith of all walls you put up around yourself and your life,
it really feels like your shutting me out of it. I dont even know where you are.
are we beginning to be more like stranger's. then anything else.

even though all of this is happening,
i go on in life, realizing that people will leave, but really there not gone, because they will always be in my heart, no matter what. Its just the people that you just cant let go of.

Believing'

So i opened my eyes to see, the good things layed out right in front of me,
A path i havnt taken yet, i pull my strength to take that one extra step.
Sometimes in life y0ur so distracted by everything around you, that you begin to forget about whats right infront of your very eyes.
Most of the time its the truth that you miss out on, leaving you believing in a visaude.
So when you actually come face to face with the trut, something pulls you away, not believing in it, for a good amount of lies you have allowed in your life not nowing the real trut, really messed you up, and go to confused, on what to believe these days. You cant always see the truth but just because you cant see it, does that really meen you should stop believing in it, or having faith and hope in it? No, i meen faith is believing when theres nothing else you can do, and you dont always have to see the truth to figure out wether or not you should believe it.
In order to believe something you dont have to see it, kind of like people. When i dont see someone for a long time, years, or even months, thats no excuse for me to stop believing in them, or stop having faith and hope for them. I meen sure it hurts sometimes but giving up on them doesnt make things any better, it just tears you up in side, until your no longer whole as an individual.
Some people cannon believe what they see in some cases, instead you have to close your eyes and believe what you feel. Ive heard this quote before " if you are ever goig to have other people trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too- Even whne your in the d a r k . or even when your f a l l i n g .

baby its only life,

Have you ever just wanted to freeze in time,
as your just sitting down thinking about the things that just cant leave you alone, and you just want to stay there in that moment, thinking it will just give you longer time to think about those kind of things, just to make sure your making the right decision.

But this is life, and you really cant just stop time, so it can give you more time. things just dont work that way, you just have to accept what life has given you, and accept the things that you cant have in life,
its all just a lifes leason.

Have you ever wished, if only i had that one time back, if only i had that one moment back , the matter of seconds that changed everything, why cant you just get those things back, the ones that meen the most to you, and the ones that have hurt you the most, so then you could just say something different; do things differently, so then inthe end the person you had once fell for , really didnt leave.

as your sitting there, not knowing what to think ,when really you know exactly what your thinking, its just sometimes hard to put into words i guess, but confusion takes a huge hold of your life,
as you want to just step away from reality for a while, or just run.
because when your running, no one can touch you, they cant judge you, they cant feel your pain, or see your emotions. a place where you can just run to think things through for yourself, a place where nothing else matters. the past is gone, your just in the moment but everything else dissapears. Your not so stressed about the furure and what may happen, or what could happen because your suddenly escaping this life just for a little while. running to a better place.

but we sometimes think these things, when maybe sometimes we just shouldnt think about these kind of things so much , like what could happen or what might happen.
because we really dont have the answers to those kind of questions,
you just have to be careful and try not to focus on spending so much time trying to find the answers at the end of the road,
instead of , noticing the signs along the way ,

baby its only life,

change'

okay , so have you ever sat down and wondered why?
i meen why do things always change,
why do our feelings change, why do people change,
why do we change as a person. Things can be going so great in this life, and then you hit one curve and sudenly your life goes out of control.

you know you had to do the things you did, but you dont understand why they had to happen the way they did, but i guess things just clearly change right, things you dont really have control over, its just how you feel inside.

everything around you may change, the feelings, the thoughts, the emotions, everything, even people. But then you start to realize, if this is the out come , and this is how you are feeling right now , is it worth it? I meen you tried your hardest to make things a little better, but you cant do it alone. Just a short response, and it gives you nothing but a bad feeling inside, did i do the right thing?

But why even question yourself., you cant hide your feelings, so just let them out. If thats all they have to say, then so be it , because clearly they dont even know you, and who you really are . just one big missunderstanding. as things slowly slip and fade away .

A little sorry , and just a remark that keeps you in hurt, .
wondering why things happen for reasons, because you cant seem to find the reason for this one, but i guess it only needs time, .
If only you really knew me, and who i was. Not a person who would clearly remove you from their life, but a person whilling to make things right.
but like you said , you dont feel the same,

so im left there with that answer, you say "im sorry i wasted your precious time" .
but really, im sorry you could ever think that .

things always change, people always change, our thoughts, emotions, and everything, they just change.
and im sorry . but now i realize everything .

things happen for reasons ! . out of control , it all just slipps and slowley fades away, .
i just wish he knew how much it hurts to know he doenst want to even be friends anymore.
but then you think to yourself,
maybe theres a better thing out there for you, like i said , "things happen for reasons"

and sometimes you just cant control ,
the real change your in for.

Dont give up on your life because of your past'' move on.

Life is a series of "trial and error"
of course there will come a time in life where you stumble, and fall.
Those are the times when you shouldnt be fretting about your life, because it really doesnt get you anywhere furthur in it. You just find your self, being held back by a force keeping you from moving on. I meen i know what its like, when one minute you look at your life in astonishment, but the next minute your looking at your life, in a questionable matter, and you dont know how to move on from the fault you have entered. All you want to do is escape it.
The thing is you may not realize it now, but look at your past, and now look where you are now, if those things hadnt happend, that your fretting about at this very moment, do you really think you would be where you are today, or even close to the person you are? I know for a fact that everything that has "happend" in my life has made an impact on who i am today, and how i want to live my life now, and in the future.
Ive been through many good times in my life, but im not perfect, and ive had my ups and downs. Ive been through some things , i would have never imagined could happen, but im not going to let that take me away from living the life i want to live. And make me slip away from who i want to be.
I just let it all go, and move on. Because being stuck in the past is the biggest mistake anyone could make. And i know ive been there, and i know for a fact, that its a place where i try to stay away from.
Sometimes in life you get pulled into what might have been?
Why try to even answer that question, i meen ive tried many times in my life,
and everytime i know that i cant go back and change things, but i can do something different with my life right now!
What we see in this world today depends mainly on what we look for whether its in people, love or just the simple word life.
Dont look at life through past experiences, and blame the people from your past, for your actions today, and who you are. Dont look at your life through a rearviewmere. Look forward into your life, and dont give up on your dreams.
Dont give up on the ones you love, just because there not around anymore.
Dont regret your life,
And dont lose hope and faith for the true things you beleive in.
At the end, life is to short. Live each day in the moment. Not fretting about the past, or being overwhelmed about the future.

most importantly, dont mistake yourself for something or someone your not. ''

Coloring Book, ''

This was the first piece of writing I did...


You look out the window, wipe the fog off of it, just to see a picture of yourself, it was always just the outline in a colouring book with the inside not yet completed. All the standard features were there, but the colours, the zigzags and the plads, the bits of peices that made you up, wernt yet in place, until you met this one person who changes everything, the inside of the colouring boook was then complete in that picture leaving everything behind, in fact every single detail was as shown onto that one picture you thought could never be completed. The inside was then completed, but not deep enough to reach the out line of your heart leaving the colours, the zigzags and the bits and peices that made your heart full was far from complete, all those heart breaks, all those ones who had you believed and caught up in something you thought was so real, a big lie that you couldnt escape from which made this feeling inside you hurt so much to take those features from your heart, and gradually pulling it in half, Your bright glacey eyes slowly faded, as the tears swam down your face, thinking that you every part of you was completed just left you alone, not being close to completed infact you were pulling away, and every feature in that colouring book was being erased, You didnt no how somethings could change so fastley, you thought youd fallin for that person, but they just ended up like the others, just taring you apart leaving you empty with nothing inside,Thinking of all the memories and wondering what was going on , and what went wrong, you sat by that fogged window, wiped it off, llooking at yourself when all of a sudden , a voice came into your head, and all it had to say was :Its not about losing the memories, but gaining the strength to let go, so than you can have that ability to create that picture in that colouring book back up, adding every feature that you needed to have to be your self again.