A twisted lie'

It's been a while sence i have seen your face.
It's been a while sence i have heard your voice.

It's been a while sence i have seen you laugh,
or smile at all.

i can't even remember the last time it was, when you said everything was going to be okay.

So this is how it always goes...

I see you once for a long time...
You always say things are going to be different.
Things are going to change.
Im going to prove that to you.

A week goes by...
no phone call, no sign of you careing.

A month goes by...
The same silence is all around me.

Add some more months to the last one, and look what we've got.
me writing about how things havnt changed one bit.


You said that you were going to prove it to me, and that this year was going to be different.

I guess it was just one twisted lie.
that made me believe for a bit...
until you did prove something to me...

maybe we are better off this way?
or maybe someday you will change?

I guess its not up to me, but its your decision to make...

you just leave me sitting here waiting for that one msg to know everything is okay...
but im done waiting.

Let me know when you decide to be in my life again. '
Because the last time i heard,
things were going to be different.

reality is... things havnt changed'

Whats it going to be, wait for a year to go by, like the last time?

I want to be'

I want to be, all that you want me to be.
I want to do the things, you have planned for me to do.

Today, i want to be more like you.
Every single day, i want to be more like you.

I want to learn from you.
I want to carry you with me every day of my life.

I dont want to hurt you.
I dont want to fall away from you.

I dont want to lose you.
I dont want to forget this.

I dont want to let this go.

I want you to be my whole life.

Hold on its gunna be alright.

Everybody says that your not alone'

Because someone else in the world out there is going through some of the exact same things as you.

Even though they may be going through the same things as you, it completely exludes the fact that there no where near you.

So arnt you alone?

Its not like a moment will go by and that stranger who is said out to be going through the same feelings as you, can just appear beside you. Its not like they are there to catch you when you fall. OR how they arnt there to make you feel like your not alone.

Because it feels like you are.

Yes there are people in this world who are going through the same things as you, and they may not be here to help you through it, but youd both have the same questions, and you need someone else to help you answer them.

If they are going through the same things as you, how are they supposed to know the answers?

they wont, because they are trying to figure things out too.

This doesnt mean your alone though..

Look onto him, our god in heaven who never EVER leaves our side.

We arnt alone.

"The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfulls the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them"

Psalm 145: 18-19

He never leaves us no matter how many times we fall away from him, he always forgives us.

He always picks us up before we hit rock bottom when we do start to fall.

Its him who will never make you feel alone, if you hold on ,

it will be alright.

He will guide you.

He will show you the light in the dark,

he will mend the broken hearted,

heal the hurt,

give hope to the hopeless,

and save the lost.

Dont let go of him,

Hold on, its gunna be alright.

His love will never fade, we are never alone.

Your here for a reason'

I believe that everything happens for a reason..
No matter how tough life may be right now if it is... its all happening for a reason.

God has a plan for it all.
He has a plan for your life.

You've got to believe that with him anything is possible. And if your falling in life things will end up falling together because there is a reason behind it all.

Your here today for a reason.. and we may not know what that reason is yet. But someday you will understand.
God has a plan for everones life but you have to let him in.

Like a shadow'

You know when you go through old stuff and you find letters from people who have left your life.

Kind of like a shadow, you never know when their just going to appear. Where one moment their there, and the next moment you cant see any shadow at all.

And as you read through these old letters you think to your self... what ever did happen?

Not only because they arnt in your life anymore, but you have no idea who that person is anymore.

Did you really ever know them?

I think alot of the times, we wonder why we kept these letters... because they bring back those memories.. some good but some may even be bad.

so why do we?

Alot of the times we are afraid of forgetting, not only the memories... but the people too and thats why we do what ever we can to hold onto that little piece thats left.

Weither its a letter or not.

People leave all the time, and i think when we have a chance to hold onto them for a little bit longer we jump right up and we take that chance. .. no matter how much they have hurt you, or if they have hurt you at all.

But them years later you find the old letters, or you find the old pictures.

And you cant see why you ever kept them ..

Because it hurts thinking about it all.

It hurts going back to that place.

Like a shadow they come and go...

And keeping parts of your past in your heart...

your more than likely to have them come and go as well.

Are you strong enough to carry apart of your past with you...

Just because the fear of forgetting?

I am so blessed

I am not going out into this world today alone..
God is by my side every step of the day.

It doesnt mean im garanteed not to fall.. but with him anything is possible.
If i do fall, he will be right there to pick me back up.

I am so blessed to have found a love like his.
Nothing compares to it.

I dont ever want to go back to before, because i have found a bigger hope.

I wont ever let this go..

Life at a whole new perspective'

Life isnt about how many mistakes you have made, or you will make.
Its not about wearing the coolest outfit, or the clothes that are in.
or the group of people you hangout with weither or not their popular or not.
Its not about how much money you have, or how you do your hair every day.

Life isnt about knowing the latest gossip, or our past failures.
Its not about being someone your not, just to impress the world around us.

Life is about taking steps forward from our past, and our past failures, and mistakes and over coming them, realizing that you can move on from things that once was, and start living now.

Life is about having friends by yourside no matter what this life throws at you, its about beginning to know yourself more and more each day. Its about realizing that life is an obsticle. And it can be tough sometimes, but with hope things can start to fall together.

Life is about finding the answers to questions that you have. Its about taking chances and seeing the world as it is.
Trying to help each other out.
looking at the word at a whole different perspective and doing things you can to help make it a better place.

Its about realizing that life can throw all sorts of signs at you, but will you give up?
Or will you keep your faith and hope, and keep going?

Will you do what the world excpects you to do? Or will you lead a new path, a new life, and show people theres something more to life. Or will you fall behind in trying to find yourself and forgiving your past?

You are forgiven.
Its time to move on.
Dont let this world determine who you are.
Let yourself determine who you are.

Dont be scared... Because life is about over coming your fear, it isnt about being scared all the time.

I know im keeping my hope'

For life isnt about falling behind, but its about getting back up everytime you do fall.
Life is simply what we make of it.

& i am changed by you'

I need you'

Come take my hand, i need you.
Im lost without you,

Dont make me do this on my own.
Lead me in this life, i need you.

Im feeling so far from you.
Like i dont know you.
I want to know you.

Open my heart to you.
I cant get through this life on my own.

Fasting from the TV!

So its January, a new year 2010.
And my family has decided to fast from our TV for the month of January.
So far, ive never played so many games in my life in just a few days.
And its only January 3rd.
Only about the whole month of no tv to go!

Ill let you know how it goes...

New Years ; 2010 <3

Faith;

It is the Lord who goes before you. He will be with you;

he will not fail you, or forsake you. Do not fear or be dismayed.

Deuteronomy 31:8

When i called, you answered me; you made me bold and stouthearted.

Psalm 138:3

For God did not give us a spirtit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and self-discipline.

2 Timothy 1:7

My presence will go with you, and i will give you rest.

Exodus 33:14

The joy of the Lord is your strength, lean onto him and he will guide you, ask him for guidence and his hand and he will reach out to you, as you reach out to him. He will walk with you in life, even when your strength is gone, just hold on' He will reach out to you and hold you in his hands.

Dont do it on your own, and dont dwell on the past. Dont lose your faith when your strength is out of reach, reach out to him for he will always be by your side, he wont ever let you fall.

Today, im putting the past away...

I'm moving on.

Dont try to stop me, i wont go back.

This is real, this is real.

If im dreaming, then promise me one thing.

That youll never wake me up.

Dont try to keep me back, dont hold me back.

Its time. Im reaching out to see things ive never seen before, and to go places i have never been, to feel things i have never felt before.

Its time, i feel so alive.

Theres no turning back.

I'm moving on.

& it doesnt feel right to sleep with only memories'

Afraid of change

I remember the moment you changed, which changed everything.

Kind of like a light sunny day turning to a stormy night.



a puddle of water turning to a sheet of ice.

the clouds that are placed in the sky.

or a full completed heart turning to a broken one.

you changed everything.



At this moment..

i became afraid of change...